You just have to start and not dwell too much on whether it’s right. Van Gogh once said “If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” these words mean more to me today than they ever did. I am the queen of procrastination, I’ve always known that.. my mind is cluttered and easily distracted. But I never excepted how fragile my ego could be until last year. A friend of mine asked if I was ‘Okay’ as the poetry I was sharing was ‘depressing’ and clumsily let me know that her and her boyfriend were taking the piss out of me for it. Deep down I knew she was being playful, but you never know what someone might take to heart. I should have brushed it off and let it go over the top of my head; but instead I held on to it, I let it grow and started second guessing myself. Everything I tried to write was edited so much, that there was no shred of meaning left in it. So I stopped writing. Until I realised that said more about me than anything else. If you wake up and think about writing, then write! If you wake up and think about singing, then sing! You don’t need permission and you do not need approval. I have suffered from depression for most of my life, but I am not depressed today. And that’s the thing, I have too much hope in me to believe we are defined by one singular emotion. I’ve always been a deep thinker and I’ve always been sensitive, but I’m not all doom and gloom all of the time lol. In fact I doubt any of my closest friends would describe me as serious, but when I sit down to write my fragile side comes out and that’s how it’s always been. I don’t know many things in this life yet, but I do know it is far more tiring to put on a front than to just be who you are.
The poem below is about realising that for every weakness in you, there lies every strength too.
Sister, Oh sister Where did you go? I heard from you last, A long time ago. Sister, oh sister Why do you weep? Those words that they spoke Were not meant to be mean. Sister, oh sister I thought you were strong I don't want my vision of you to be wrong. Sister, oh sister Am I asking too much? Did a part of you die From his unwelcome touch. Sister, Oh sister They say you're too sad That you're damaged and broken And love turned you mad. Sister, Oh sister I'll pull you back up For I am the one, Who can build or destruct. Sister, Oh sister I know all your pain We share the same body We share the same name. - She Moves